Random Soccer Thread

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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Dexter » December 8th, 2010, 1:47 pm

Donny B. wrote:NEWCASTLE UNITED: THE SILENT MOVIE THE RETURN!

MUSICAL ACCOMPANIMENT: The Fiver Rag

EXT. ST JAMES' PARK
Mr Ashley is sat in a wooden booth from which he is vending cutting-edge football equipment. A handwritten sign above his head reads 'Sports Direckt dot com'.
TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Tee hee heeeeee! I'm going to make a proper penny selling all these boots!"
The camera pans out to reveal piles of the very latest style of boot the Adidas Stan Seymour Hobnail Soccer And Deep Pit Mining Shoe sitting before him.
TITLE CARD: Ten minutes later ...
All the boots have disappeared. There are smudges of shoe polish around Mr Ashley's lips. A solitary lace protrudes from his mouth. He lets out a rasping belch.
TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Gawf! Kin ell! I've accidentally eaten all me stock! Again. I'll have to go and get some more from ver lock-up."
Mr Ashley makes to get up from the booth. He cannot move. With a belly full of tough leather, he is now totally wedged in.
TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Harumph! This is another fine mess I've eaten myself into."
He looks at the camera, frowns, and twiddles his tie.
TITLE CARD: Ten minutes later ...
Mr Ashley is still stuck in the booth.
TITLE CARD: Ten minutes later ...
Mr Ashley is still stuck in the booth.
TITLE CARD: Ten minutes later ...
Mr Ashley is still stuck in the booth. He is whiling away the time by eating his bowler hat.
TITLE CARD: Ten minutes later ...
Mr Hughton, the janitor, walks past. He is carrying his bag of tools.
TITLE CARD: Mr Hughton ~ "Cor, Mr Ashley, sir, I'd better get you out of that pickle you've got yourself into!"
Mr Hughton sets about his work.
TITLE CARD: Seven seconds later ...
A couple of the booth's planks having been adroitly prised off, Mr Ashley has been painlessly freed. Satisfied with a job well done, Mr Hughton deferentially tugs at the peak of his working-man's cap.
TITLE CARD: Mr Hughton ~ "Cor, Mr Ashley, sir, having released you from the booth, turned the club around, earned the trust of a dressing room full of unpredictable dilettante wideboys, won the Championship, re-established the club in the Premier League, and generally been a decent, hard-working and civilised human being, for an annual wage of seven shillings per annum, is there anything else you'd like me to do, Mr Ashley, sir?"
Mr Ashley, mugging to camera, grins manically and rubs his hands conspiratorially.
TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Her her. Yeah! Fack orft! Yer sacked! Now, with Peter Beardsley and Steve Stone holding the fort, I'm off to see if I can get former Ajax boss Martin Jol to take over. But first I'd better mend this stall."
Mr Hughton shrugs and departs with dignity. Mr Ashley grabs a pot of glue and a brush, and sets about trying to reaffix the planks gently prised off his stall.
TITLE CARD: Ten minutes later ...
Where there once was a stall, there is now a large pile of matchsticks. Mr Ashley is standing in the middle of them, with the gluepot wedged upside down on his head.
TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Ffffff! Kinell! Gaaaw! Never mind this, I'm orft to land Jol before Hamburg get him. A half-decent managerial appointment should placate the masses angered at the sacking of Hughton."
Mr Ashley jumps into his Ford Model T. He slams his foot on the accelerator and turns hard right out of the car park. Unfortunately, the pot of glue slips from his head and covers his right hand, sticking it to the steering wheel, and his right foot, affixing it to the accelerator pedal. He falls out of the car door in shock.
SOUND FX: Swannee whistle.
Mr Ashley is left hanging from the car, his hand locking the steering wheel full right, his foot pressing the accelerator to the floor. After the setting up of the most convoluted metaphor in the history of slapstick, the car spins round and round in a circle, going nowhere, Mr Ashley having totally lost control.
TITLE CARD: Ten minutes later ...
The car is still going round and round in a circle.
TITLE CARD: Four hours later ...
The car is still going round and round in a circle.
TITLE CARD: Four hours later ...
The car splutters to a halt, having run out of petrol. It is dark. Mr Ashley manages to peel his hand and foot free, then stumbles from the car, totally disorientated.
TITLE CARD: Mr Ashley ~ "Aw, balls to it, I can't be bothered. I'll just ask Alan Pardew, sacked by Southampton in August, to take over instead so he's in place in time for the Liverpool game at the weekend. That'll have to do."
Mr Ashley, having been spun through 360 degrees for the past eight hours and 10 minutes, stumbles off in what seems like seven directions at once. Eventually he bumps headfirst into St James' Park, razing the entire stadium to the ground.
TITLE CARD: The end.

:lol:
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Logorrhea » December 8th, 2010, 2:26 pm

Avenger wrote:You seemed to be suggesting that they would definitely stay up. That is horseshit.

Again you call my opinion horseshit yet yours is based on the assumption that a team placed 11th in the table, after the Christmas schedule, is somehow in serious danger of going down? Derby were already relegated, Reading couldnt buy a win (second season syndrome) and Birmingham were about to bounce back down having just been promoted. Newcastle were never under threat. Of course he would have kept them up.
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Avenger » December 8th, 2010, 2:49 pm

Logorrhea wrote:Again you call my opinion horseshit yet yours is based on the assumption that a team placed 11th in the table, after the Christmas schedule, is somehow in serious danger of going down?


You are right. Everyone who disagrees with you is wrong.
You don't seem to want to accept that they were in free fall and could very well have been relegated with Allardyce or anyone for that matter. 11th place means nothing. They could have been 3 or 4 points above the relegation zone in 11th place.

Don't bother responding. It's pointless as you are always right ;)
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Logorrhea » December 9th, 2010, 12:20 pm

Image

Well maybe I can start to sympathise with the NUFC fans.

Pardew has been appointed on a 5 and a half year deal.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/footbal ... 267960.stm

Then again, he plays beautiful football so I'm sure the fans (and blanc) will be delighted.
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Avenger » December 9th, 2010, 12:56 pm

Odd decision considering that the players seemed to have a lot of time for Chris Hughton.
Ah well, I'm sure Chris won't be long looking for work. An excellent coach by all accounts.
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Logorrhea » December 9th, 2010, 2:04 pm

The "Alan Pardew out" thread on toontastic is at over 40 pages (started three days before he was confirmed :) )

They seem a bit upset.
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Avenger » December 9th, 2010, 2:15 pm

Logorrhea wrote:The "Alan Pardew out" thread on toontastic is at over 40 pages (started three days before he was confirmed :) )

They seem a bit upset.

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby LeRouxIsPHat » December 9th, 2010, 4:18 pm

Wonder when Pardew was actually lined up? To sack Hughton for him is very strange indeed.
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Sauvignon Blank » December 10th, 2010, 12:20 pm

Logorrhea wrote:To be honest I havent the slightest bit of interest in discussing it with you. You didnt answer the liverpool question, you didnt answer the Irish football question because you know you'll contradict yourself.


Because you know you are wrong and I am right.
You say I didn't answer the Liverpool question, what one would that be? and I did answer the Irish one, it just went over your head, unsurprisingly.


Logorhea wrote:All I said was that if they had kept Allardyce they would have stayed up. It was the fans that drove him out because they werent happy enough with 11th and wanted instant success (he was there for 8 months). You seem to think (maybe I'm missinterpreting you) that the fans were right to do this, but the record shows that they werent. They f%~ked up. They destabalised the team, the manager, the club itself all because they felt they deserved a different style of football.


I am trying to explain to you that Fat Sam was jettisoned because his style is putrid and Newcastle always have and always will try to play decent football. They may resort to hoofing to get them out of the relegation dog fight but they wont stand for it on an ongoing basis, much like any football fan who goes along and pays for his ticket to be entertained. I cite Wimbledon & Watford as examples of how the ugly approach has benefitted them.

Logorhea wrote:I dont hear them screaming for total football this time around. They are actually quite happy with their current lot, a fairly direct style and the stability that Hughton brought them. Its obvious they are pissed off and rightly so, but I dont believe they deserve any sympathy of late. Not after what they themselves did to their club not too long ago.


Laughable piece this! those fans are the lifeblood of the club, they are entitled to vent their spleen. Without them NFC go under. Do you remember Hall & Shephard (Directors) humiliating them not so long ago? and slagging off the Women of Newcastle too?
Those very fans put up with a very public humiliation from the very people that should be lauding and providing them with a team to be proud of.
Shite rolls downhill Logorhea and it started with the Directors of that club a long time ago. As mad as their fans are, they still know a fraud when they see one and Fat Sam is about as big a Fraud to football as you'll ever likely see.

Howay the Lads...and Lasses :wink:
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Avenger » December 10th, 2010, 1:04 pm

Sauvignon Blank wrote:As mad as their fans are, they still know a fraud when they see one and Fat Sam is about as big a Fraud to football as you'll ever likely see.


He could manage Real Madrid.
:roll:
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Logorrhea » December 10th, 2010, 1:15 pm

Sauvignon Blank wrote: Because you know you are wrong and I am right.

What is it with you. Football is a game of opinions yet you have this desire for absolutes when you take issue with anothers opinion. There is no right, there is no wrong, there is opinion. Deal with it.

As for the rest. Your putting across some pretty convincing arguements in response to things I never actually said while studiously ignoring those things I actually did say. Its impressive but I'm not really sure if you want me to respond. Should i just leave you and yourself to it?
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby nelly the elephant » December 10th, 2010, 1:17 pm

Avenger wrote:
Sauvignon Blank wrote:As mad as their fans are, they still know a fraud when they see one and Fat Sam is about as big a Fraud to football as you'll ever likely see.


He could manage Real Madrid.
:roll:


Yeah.....if only his name was Sam Ruiz Maria Allardici! :lol:

Tosser.......
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Sauvignon Blank » December 10th, 2010, 3:08 pm

Logorrhea wrote:
Sauvignon Blank wrote: Because you know you are wrong and I am right.

What is it with you. Football is a game of opinions yet you have this desire for absolutes when you take issue with anothers opinion. There is no right, there is no wrong, there is opinion. Deal with it.

As for the rest. Your putting across some pretty convincing arguements in response to things I never actually said while studiously ignoring those things I actually did say. Its impressive but I'm not really sure if you want me to respond. Should i just leave you and yourself to it?


....hang on there, I have asked you to point out where in fact i'm avoiding or ignoring your questions. I have answered everyone of them AFAIK. Football is about opinions, I'm giving mine and questioning some of yours. You question mine too, thats fine and dandy, no problemo.
If I think you are wrong, i'll tell you so by backing my argument up with facts. Whats the problem ?
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Peg Leg » December 11th, 2010, 9:25 pm

Newcastle/Liverpool/Aston Villa

WTF, they all seem to be a bit schizo!
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby gfo » December 14th, 2010, 1:07 pm

Sauvignon Blank wrote:So playing good football gets you relegated?



You're right, playing clever attacking football will always get you further than playing boring defensive football. That's why Barcelona won the Champions League last year after they hammered Inter seven nil in the semis and Mourinho is considered one of the worst managers in history.

Get back in your cave **Edited by Mod**
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby nelly the elephant » December 14th, 2010, 1:59 pm

nelly the elephant wrote:
Avenger wrote:
Sauvignon Blank wrote:As mad as their fans are, they still know a fraud when they see one and Fat Sam is about as big a Fraud to football as you'll ever likely see.


He could manage Real Madrid.
:roll:


Yeah.....if only his name was Sam Ruiz Maria Allardici! :lol:

Tosser.......


Hey...........maybe Sam "engineered" his move away from Ewood Park as he realises Jose is on the slippery slope at the Bernabeau!

You know it makes sense(as Del Boy would say)! :lol:
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Sauvignon Blank » December 14th, 2010, 5:17 pm

gfo wrote:
Sauvignon Blank wrote:So playing good football gets you relegated?



You're right, playing clever attacking football will always get you further than playing boring defensive football. That's why Barcelona won the Champions League last year after they hammered Inter seven nil in the semis and Mourinho is considered one of the worst managers in history.

Get back in your cave and keep your stupidity to yourself


....and miss out on **Edited by Mod** like yourself :lol:

crawl back under your stone.
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Eve » December 14th, 2010, 8:12 pm

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Less of the name calling please lads
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Mackman15 » December 15th, 2010, 6:30 pm

Some Chancer.............

Ireland eyes international rescue
Aston Villa midfielder Stephen Ireland may be on the verge of ending his self-imposed international exile, according to a report today.

Ireland, who moved to Villa from Manchester City as part of the deal that took James Milner the other way, has found himself frozen out at Villa Park and is now believed to be surplus to requirements there.

The midfielder believes that a return to action with the Republic of Ireland could help him secure a move away from Villa.


'I am seriously thinking of calling Trap in the next few weeks and hopefully can work my way back into his plans,' the Daily Mirror quoted him as saying.


'If I can't get a move in January then I need to look at the summer and playing for Ireland will at least put me in the shop window.'


Ireland has not played for his country since announcing his international retirement in 2007 in the wake of the infamous 'Grannygate' farce.


The midfielder has insisted on several occasions that he would not make himself available for selection by the Republic but after being frozen out at Villa, may have changed his mind.

Aston Villa were unable to comment on Ireland's quotes.

http://www.rte.ie/sport/soccer/2010/1215/irelands.html
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Re: Random Soccer Thread

Postby Sauvignon Blank » December 15th, 2010, 7:03 pm

Mackman15 wrote:Some Chancer.............

Ireland eyes international rescue
Aston Villa midfielder Stephen Ireland may be on the verge of ending his self-imposed international exile, according to a report today.

Ireland, who moved to Villa from Manchester City as part of the deal that took James Milner the other way, has found himself frozen out at Villa Park and is now believed to be surplus to requirements there.

The midfielder believes that a return to action with the Republic of Ireland could help him secure a move away from Villa.


'I am seriously thinking of calling Trap in the next few weeks and hopefully can work my way back into his plans,' the Daily Mirror quoted him as saying.


'If I can't get a move in January then I need to look at the summer and playing for Ireland will at least put me in the shop window.'


Ireland has not played for his country since announcing his international retirement in 2007 in the wake of the infamous 'Grannygate' farce.


The midfielder has insisted on several occasions that he would not make himself available for selection by the Republic but after being frozen out at Villa, may have changed his mind.

Aston Villa were unable to comment on Ireland's quotes.

http://www.rte.ie/sport/soccer/2010/1215/irelands.html



Unfortunately, Trappatoni will indulge him.
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