The Ashes

[tate]

not normally one to comment about twitter but this made me laugh

Tweet after me: The Ashes is not a freaking cricket match

An American woman using the Twitter name @theashes has been beseiged by cricket fans looking for updates from Australia

As is so often the case, the boyfriend is to blame. When Ashley Kerekes from Massachusetts had her name affectionately shortened to "The Ashes" she didn't think anything of using this moniker for her Twitter account – at least not until the actual Ashes began and cricket fans across the globe started unwittingly namechecking her in their tweets.

At first, @theashes batted away mentions with "I'm not the cricket feed", which was soon upped to a sterner: "Check profiles before you send mentions, it's incredibly annoying and rude." Finally, she cracked, screaming: "I AM NOT A FREAKING CRICKET MATCH!!!!!", prompting her cheekier new followers to respond: "We know, you're a five-day series of cricket matches, specifically between England and Australia."

Happily, once top commentators such as Jonathan Agnew (@aggerscricket) picked up on the story, she rediscovered her sense of humour, offering to read up on the rules of the game to please the 5,000 new followers she had acquired in one weekend. Meanwhile, the Sydney Morning Herald has reported that Kerekes now plans to sell T-shirts emblazoned with the slogan "I'm not a freaking cricket match!!" (We know, you're a five-day series. . . etc).

There's even a hashtag: #gettheashestotheashes. Quick to spot some good publicity, especially after its recent engine troubles, Qantas offered to fly Kerekes to Australia so she too could enjoy the visceral thrill of watching 22 men hit a ball around some grass for five solid days only for it all to be declared a draw. Unfortunately the offer didn't appear to extend to Kerekes bringing along a friend, so she has so far declined the offer.

And as one wag noted, there was "no mention of a flight home. Is this Australia's way of keeping @theashes?"

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/20 ... ch-twitter

[Darce]

Aussies drop Mitch...

[West Brit]

Aussies drop Mitch...

Far less surprising than Qatar.

[Darce]

0-107....I could have done as well as that

[AidanSloan]

What a start!!!!!

[blaker]

Fairly shambles-y from Oz. Dare one say it, reminiscent of England in the 90s!!

The run out was very foolish, Ponting, though a decent ball, shouldn't be getting out to stuff like that. Clarke is woejus at the mo. Haddin and Hussey played well but the Oz tail is very long as we knew.

Decent bowling from England and always gratifying that that assclown Broad was wicketless.

Lots of lip as the teams came off too - could be fun

England could "easily" build 450 on that pitch

[ratpack]

Poor start by England with Strauss getting out, but Trott and Cook going steady now.

[Logorrhea]

England in complete command. The need to see this one out.

[nelly the elephant]

Day 3 and all set fair for Cook and KP to fill their boots.........luverly jubberly!

[blaker]

I really didn't think it would be this big a beating. Oz are getting on#wned in every facet of the game and its hard to think of a an English player not going well. Bro******ad is even bowling ok even if hes not getting the wickets.
If Oz manage better than a two match losing margin I will be surprised. A shame to see how far they've fallen but surely a testament to just how focking amazing that team through the 90s up to 2005 was.

As an aside, I've said this before. Swann is a lovely chap altogether and I wish him all the best etc etc but the face he pulls when he appeals unsettles me! Its like his jaw dislocates or something (I may be watching too much cricket)

[West Brit]

I really didn't think it would be this big a beating. Oz are getting on#wned in every facet of the game and its hard to think of a an English player not going well. Bro******ad is even bowling ok even if hes not getting the wickets.
If Oz manage better than a two match losing margin I will be surprised. A shame to see how far they've fallen but surely a testament to just how focking amazing that team through the 90s up to 2005 was.

As an aside, I've said this before. Swann is a lovely chap altogether and I wish him all the best etc etc but the face he pulls when he appeals unsettles me! Its like his jaw dislocates or something (I may be watching too much cricket)

If Australia don't bat this one out then I can see a wholesale change in the Australian batting line up. There are a number of very talented youngsters ready to step up and Katich and North would likely make way for a couple and Clarke isn't exactly safe. The problem they have is that there appears to be no young bowlers of any note playng Sheffield Shield cricket. And without taking 20 wickets they can't win a thing. What on earth has happened to the bowlers?

[West Brit]

Where to now for Australia?

[blaker]

This is becoming a very damp squib really.

In fairness to England they have been very very good. They would take some beating in the form they are in now but they could certainly be beaten. A solid, competent Oz team and this would be a hugely entertaining series.

Unfortunately
> The Oz bowling is absolutely horrendous
> Their talismanic batsman Ponting is having a bit of a mare
> Their "best" batsman Clarke is all over the gaff
> Their talis is a mile long
> Their fielding like blindmen

So no aspect of the Oz game is in good nick. You could make a good case for dropping all of their bowlers and their Captain and Clarke. You could argue that their fielding coach should be fired. Not a great situation.

Doherty will definitely be dropped simply to save him punishment. No offence to the guy but hes way out of his depth. It won't make much difference though.

England can coast home. The injury to Broad may be a bit disruptive but they have enough "slack" to get away with a bit of upheaval.

The one thing I will say is that if England wrap it up early then theres a small glimmer of a chance that they might give Morgan a go in the last Test. Heres hoping

[ratpack]

There'll be changes for definitely given the Katich injury. I'd say they'll bring in hughes and possibly Hauritz in place of either Bollinger or Doherty. Hauritz would at least given them a bit of variety.

Wouldn't write of the Aussies just yet, the amount of stick they're getting from the public and press is huge. Siege mentality is sure to set in. Third test will be more competitive than the 2nd hopefully.

Also England perhaps getting ahead of themselves is not something thats completely unheard off.

[Darce]

Why not give Steve Smith a crack with the Ball, in place of Doherty? They'll stick with Bollinger. Hughes will come in

[West Brit]

Why not give Steve Smith a crack with the Ball, in place of Doherty? They'll stick with Bollinger. Hughes will come in

I agree that's the smart thing to do in the medium and long term, but Hauritz just picked up a 5-for at the WACA in the last Sheffield Shield match. Finger spinners have a far better record at the WACA than leggies so I'd imagine Hauritz will get the nod for this test.

[Darce]

Why not give Steve Smith a crack with the Ball, in place of Doherty? They'll stick with Bollinger. Hughes will come in

I agree that's the smart thing to do in the medium and long term, but Hauritz just picked up a 5-for at the WACA in the last Sheffield Shield match. Finger spinners have a far better record at the WACA than leggies so I'd imagine Hauritz will get the nod for this test.

I bow to your thesis

[blaker]

Austaralia are an awful side. Haddin and hussey again trying but can you imagine what might have happened in this series without them!!?? Tremlett coming in seamlessly encapsulates a big difference between these sides

[West Brit]

Why not give Steve Smith a crack with the Ball, in place of Doherty? They'll stick with Bollinger. Hughes will come in

I agree that's the smart thing to do in the medium and long term, but Hauritz just picked up a 5-for at the WACA in the last Sheffield Shield match. Finger spinners have a far better record at the WACA than leggies so I'd imagine Hauritz will get the nod for this test.

I bow to your thesis

And I bow to your ability to pick up what the selectors were thinking. I haven't seen him bowl (although his first-class average is only marginally better than Doherty's) but he's certainly not, and never will be, a test-class 6.

[nelly the elephant]

England retain the Ashes......good professional job done.
Now to win the Sydney test and take the series 3-1. Any chance the selectors will do the decent thing and select Eoin Morgan ahead of the badly out-of-form Collingwood?