Apocalyps postponed - The state of the nation.

[Oldschool]

>
> In the year 2008 the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in
> Ireland and said:
> 'Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see
> the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every
> living thing along with a few good humans.'
>
> He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying: 'You have 6 months to build the
> Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.'
>
> Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
> yard, but no Ark.
>
> 'Noah!' He roared, 'I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?'
>
> 'Forgive me, Lord,' begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed
> Building Regulations Approval and I've been arguing with the Fire
> Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system.
>
> My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission
> for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site,
> even though in my view it is a temporary structure.
>
> We had to then go to appeal to the An Bord Pleannala for a decision.
>
> Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the
> future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions to clear
> the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would
> be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.
>
> Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree
> Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special
> Scientific interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to
> convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no
> go!
>
> When I started gathering the animals, the DSPCA sued me. They insisted
> that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the
> accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to
> put so many animals in a confined space.
>
> Then the County Council, the Environmental Protection Agency and the
> Rivers
> Authority ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted
> an environmental impact study on your proposed flood..
>
> I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities
> Commission on how many disabled carpenters I'm supposed to hire for my
> building team. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist
> I have to hire only accredited workers with Ark-building experience.
>
> To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets,
> claiming. I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.
>
> So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
> finish this Ark. '
>
> Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
> stretched across the sky.
>
> Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to
> destroy the world?'
>
> 'No,' said the Lord. '..........the Irish Government beat me to it.'