Best Man

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Re: Best Man

Postby Oldschool » May 3rd, 2018, 5:24 pm

By the way don't forget to enjoy yourself too.
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Re: Best Man

Postby elephantman » May 4th, 2018, 12:08 am

R-Dog wrote:Never heard of the need for the Best man to Pony up anything like €500 -1000!

Did it myself a few years back and think all I gave was a present worth €175 aprox. At the time (Still now) I would give €100 as standard at any wedding.

Had to organise the Stag (you always end up a bit out of pocket here when booking things etc. )
Wedding was a Friday with a rehearsal on the Thursday and bbq day after. Groom cover my room night of the wedding but had to pay for other 2 nights myself and take 3 days off work.

(Groom was UK based so was busy for the week before collecting suits etc. )


Thanks for taking the time to respond. Maybe a grand is a little too much!

Much appreciated.
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Re: Best Man

Postby elephantman » May 4th, 2018, 12:10 am

Oldschool wrote:By the way don't forget to enjoy yourself too.


Will do and thanks for responding.

I'll have the petrol tank full on the harley...just in case!
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Re: Best Man

Postby OTT » May 4th, 2018, 11:05 am

You obviously got the gig because you are a special individual to the groom. Your friendship is above all others for him (well except maybe the new mrs :lol: ). Keep doing what you have been doing it seems to be what he values. I would not think a monetary value is what is important, I am sure your friendship is well past that at this stage. The knowledge that you will be a shoulder for the groom if and when he might need it in his life would be what I would think is important, I am sure you didn't get the gig because you pay the best.

A couple of hundred I think is generous, if you wanted to give more that is your prerogative. Hope the days goes well and you can manage to enjoy the night after you are finally done with the speech!
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Re: Best Man

Postby CiaranIrl » May 5th, 2018, 9:40 pm

I've done it twice. Once many years ago when I didn't have much experience of going to weddings, and then again many years (and 70+ weddings as a guest) later. Advice I would give the younger version of me:

A. If you are bought a suit, it's customary to cover that cost in your gift + a small bit more.

B. You have a good few jobs, but only three of them are very important.

1. The first of those jobs: You need to boss around the photographer for the group photos. Nobody else will do it because they'll assume it's your job. Have a point person in each family to gather them for those photos and ask if the couple want photos with particular groups, then help get them together. Fyi - The reason the photographer can't do this themselves is they don't know who anyone is or what they look like.

2. You'll get a lot of envelopes full of cash. You need to have a system for dealing with that. Trips back and forth to the hotel safe or have your car easily accessible. Make sure any groomsmen bring them to you immediately. This job is a pain the hole because it's very common for cards to go missing.

3. The speech. Your job is not, I repeat, not, to be a stand up comedian. A couple of safe gags are great, but if you're in doubt, err on the side of caution. Do not embarrass anyone, no matter what you hear from lads and no matter what you might think you are supposed to do. Having some mother or aunt balling crying is not fun for anyone. If you're nervous, remember that everyone wants you to succeed. People will laugh at any attempt at a gag, and once they do, you'll settle in to the speech.

There's other jobs, but they're less of a big deal because they won't go wrong or are easily correctable if they do. You'll remember the rings, you'll pay a couple of people (priest, church musicians etc.), you'll pin a flower to the groom, you'll dance with a bridesmaid etc etc, but don't worry too much about these.
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Re: Best Man

Postby Dave Cahill » May 5th, 2018, 10:57 pm

CiaranIrl wrote:I've done it twice. Once many years ago when I didn't have much experience of going to weddings, and then again many years (and 70+ weddings as a guest) later. Advice I would give the younger version of me:

A. If you are bought a suit, it's customary to cover that cost in your gift + a small bit more.

B. You have a good few jobs, but only three of them are very important.

1. The first of those jobs: You need to boss around the photographer for the group photos. Nobody else will do it because they'll assume it's your job. Have a point person in each family to gather them for those photos and ask if the couple want photos with particular groups, then help get them together. Fyi - The reason the photographer can't do this themselves is they don't know who anyone is or what they look like.

2. You'll get a lot of envelopes full of cash. You need to have a system for dealing with that. Trips back and forth to the hotel safe or have your car easily accessible. Make sure any groomsmen bring them to you immediately. This job is a pain the hole because it's very common for cards to go missing.

3. The speech. Your job is not, I repeat, not, to be a stand up comedian. A couple of safe gags are great, but if you're in doubt, err on the side of caution. Do not embarrass anyone, no matter what you hear from lads and no matter what you might think you are supposed to do. Having some mother or aunt balling crying is not fun for anyone. If you're nervous, remember that everyone wants you to succeed. People will laugh at any attempt at a gag, and once they do, you'll settle in to the speech.

There's other jobs, but they're less of a big deal because they won't go wrong or are easily correctable if they do. You'll remember the rings, you'll pay a couple of people (priest, church musicians etc.), you'll pin a flower to the groom, you'll dance with a bridesmaid etc etc, but don't worry too much about these.


Great advice. When I got married my best man was brilliant at all the above (as were my groomsmen), he took so much pressure off myself and the missus.

Just back from a wedding, and the best man's speech was superb - judged the tone perfectly. But I was at a wedding a while ago where the best man tried to be a standup as Ciaran mentions above. He made the bride cry. On her wedding day. Thats not right.
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Re: Best Man

Postby elephantman » May 5th, 2018, 11:18 pm

OTT wrote:You obviously got the gig because you are a special individual to the groom. Your friendship is above all others for him (well except maybe the new mrs :lol: ). Keep doing what you have been doing it seems to be what he values. I would not think a monetary value is what is important, I am sure your friendship is well past that at this stage. The knowledge that you will be a shoulder for the groom if and when he might need it in his life would be what I would think is important, I am sure you didn't get the gig because you pay the best.

A couple of hundred I think is generous, if you wanted to give more that is your prerogative. Hope the days goes well and you can manage to enjoy the night after you are finally done with the speech!


Thanks for the reply!
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Re: Best Man

Postby elephantman » May 5th, 2018, 11:19 pm

CiaranIrl wrote:I've done it twice. Once many years ago when I didn't have much experience of going to weddings, and then again many years (and 70+ weddings as a guest) later. Advice I would give the younger version of me:

A. If you are bought a suit, it's customary to cover that cost in your gift + a small bit more.

B. You have a good few jobs, but only three of them are very important.

1. The first of those jobs: You need to boss around the photographer for the group photos. Nobody else will do it because they'll assume it's your job. Have a point person in each family to gather them for those photos and ask if the couple want photos with particular groups, then help get them together. Fyi - The reason the photographer can't do this themselves is they don't know who anyone is or what they look like.

2. You'll get a lot of envelopes full of cash. You need to have a system for dealing with that. Trips back and forth to the hotel safe or have your car easily accessible. Make sure any groomsmen bring them to you immediately. This job is a pain the hole because it's very common for cards to go missing.

3. The speech. Your job is not, I repeat, not, to be a stand up comedian. A couple of safe gags are great, but if you're in doubt, err on the side of caution. Do not embarrass anyone, no matter what you hear from lads and no matter what you might think you are supposed to do. Having some mother or aunt balling crying is not fun for anyone. If you're nervous, remember that everyone wants you to succeed. People will laugh at any attempt at a gag, and once they do, you'll settle in to the speech.

There's other jobs, but they're less of a big deal because they won't go wrong or are easily correctable if they do. You'll remember the rings, you'll pay a couple of people (priest, church musicians etc.), you'll pin a flower to the groom, you'll dance with a bridesmaid etc etc, but don't worry too much about these.


Thanks very much for that advice. Much appreciated.
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Re: Best Man

Postby elephantman » May 7th, 2018, 1:29 am

Dave Cahill wrote:
CiaranIrl wrote:I've done it twice. Once many years ago when I didn't have much experience of going to weddings, and then again many years (and 70+ weddings as a guest) later. Advice I would give the younger version of me:

A. If you are bought a suit, it's customary to cover that cost in your gift + a small bit more.

B. You have a good few jobs, but only three of them are very important.

1. The first of those jobs: You need to boss around the photographer for the group photos. Nobody else will do it because they'll assume it's your job. Have a point person in each family to gather them for those photos and ask if the couple want photos with particular groups, then help get them together. Fyi - The reason the photographer can't do this themselves is they don't know who anyone is or what they look like.

2. You'll get a lot of envelopes full of cash. You need to have a system for dealing with that. Trips back and forth to the hotel safe or have your car easily accessible. Make sure any groomsmen bring them to you immediately. This job is a pain the hole because it's very common for cards to go missing.

3. The speech. Your job is not, I repeat, not, to be a stand up comedian. A couple of safe gags are great, but if you're in doubt, err on the side of caution. Do not embarrass anyone, no matter what you hear from lads and no matter what you might think you are supposed to do. Having some mother or aunt balling crying is not fun for anyone. If you're nervous, remember that everyone wants you to succeed. People will laugh at any attempt at a gag, and once they do, you'll settle in to the speech.

There's other jobs, but they're less of a big deal because they won't go wrong or are easily correctable if they do. You'll remember the rings, you'll pay a couple of people (priest, church musicians etc.), you'll pin a flower to the groom, you'll dance with a bridesmaid etc etc, but don't worry too much about these.


Great advice. When I got married my best man was brilliant at all the above (as were my groomsmen), he took so much pressure off myself and the missus.

Just back from a wedding, and the best man's speech was superb - judged the tone perfectly. But I was at a wedding a while ago where the best man tried to be a standup as Ciaran mentions above. He made the bride cry. On her wedding day. Thats not right.


Thanks for the reply. I'll try not to make the bride cry!
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Re: Best Man

Postby RoboProp » May 7th, 2018, 11:39 am

I've done it a couple of times; it's a lot of work. Go easy on the sauce. You can kinda clock off after first dances.

The mums will be giving you so much work; especially if groom is childhood friend and the mum knows you pretty well. Introduce yourself to hotel manager, find location of safe.
Keep speech brief and clean. Few nice stories, cheesy anecdotes are ok. Nothing smutty.

I got married after my best man and after I did a bang up job for him, he largely disappeared on the day. His speech irritated my wife, mother, aunties and sisters. Don't do that!
Money and cufflinks combi is decent. Don't break the bank. You'll be worked. Also don't fill your hip flask. Half fill it with something decent . See rule 1 again about the sauce
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Re: Best Man

Postby elephantman » May 9th, 2018, 12:17 am

RoboProp wrote:I've done it a couple of times; it's a lot of work. Go easy on the sauce. You can kinda clock off after first dances.

The mums will be giving you so much work; especially if groom is childhood friend and the mum knows you pretty well. Introduce yourself to hotel manager, find location of safe.
Keep speech brief and clean. Few nice stories, cheesy anecdotes are ok. Nothing smutty.

I got married after my best man and after I did a bang up job for him, he largely disappeared on the day. His speech irritated my wife, mother, aunties and sisters. Don't do that!
Money and cufflinks combi is decent. Don't break the bank. You'll be worked. Also don't fill your hip flask. Half fill it with something decent . See rule 1 again about the sauce


Sound advice. Much appreciated.
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